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I originally started on a different article that I had intended to post here on my blog, but that was before the coronavirus affected us all. All of a sudden, the world as we know it completely changed. The freedom that so many of us took for granted, the opportunities that were everywhere, seem to have vanished overnight. Many people are in a panic state of mind, and maybe you're one of them. You worry - about getting seriously ill, about whether or not you'll have enough food to get by, about your job, about your economy ...
There's no doubt about it: These are challenging times. Many industries are seriously affected by this, especially the travel industry, - and businesses might have to shut down permanently as a result of the situation. People may lose their jobs, and thereby their main income, if the quarantine situation has to go on for weeks and months ahead. Of course you're worried!
And of course we must take this seriously. We must all do what we can to reduce the risk of this becoming a long-time situation. We must follow the instructions that the health authorities give us, and stay away from personal contact with other people as much as we can. Home quarantine is necessary in this situation, and we all have to accept that.
If you have a family, staying at home for weeks and maybe even months, can be a real challenge. Kids and parents alike need positive things to do, and at the same time, you all need time and space as individuals. Some alone-time. Depending on your living conditions, this can be a challenge and really take a toll on all of you. There's no question about that. And in this particular situation, which is different from anything we've experienced in times of peace, - FEAR is a big factor that needs to be addressed.
FEAR is something that feels very real for all of us. We all have fears. But if you think of FEAR as "False Evidence Appearing Real", you may have a chance of breaking through them.
Life has always been uncertain
If you think about your life up until now, you might be of the opinion that you've never really been afraid or had any real danger in your life before now. Truth is: You've been surrounded by danger all your life, on a daily basis. Even before the Coronavirus outbreak, the world has always been uncertain.
Just think about it: You've never been able to know for certain what the next minute, hour, day, month or year would bring. At any time in your life, there's been a possibility that you could learn that someone you love has just died, or you could have a car accident, or be diagnosed with a disease, or lose your job.
That's a fact.
Uncertainty has always been there. You just haven't thought about it on a daily basis. Because ... that's life, isn't it? If we were to think about all the potential threats all the time, we wouldn't be able to function. So we create stories about our life that serve us better. We plan for tomorrow, for next week, for our next holiday, like we would live forever. And that's good. That's normal. That's our survival mechanisms, and they usually work very well.
So even if the situation around the Coronavirus is somewhat out of the ordinary, there's really no more uncertainty in this world now than what there's always been and always will be. This, too, shall pass.
I hope this can help you put it all into perspective. FEAR is part of life itself.
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Feed you mind with positive insights and strategies
Even the people who seem most courageous, have fear. You see: Courage is not absence of fear, but mastery of it. This means that we can all learn to master our fear. Because the fear is really all in our mind.
"Fear itself is a creation of your mind. It does not exist independently.
Since it is a fabrication, you don’t have to fight it. Just understand it. Understanding is the key to freedom." - The Ancient Sage
Your brain is wired to keep you safe.
Tony Robbins says that a good way to fight fear, is to read. "Feed your mind with strategies and tools that you can use. You can't hope that good ideas will drop from the sky and come to you. Good ideas must be pursued."
And if you make it a habit to read a little every day, - and especially if you choose to read books that you can learn something from, - you will soon find that you'll gain wisdom and insights that can change your life and help you see things in a more positive light. Knowledge makes you feel less afraid. Fear disappears.
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Also be aware of what your outer environment is feeding you. Reduce the time you spend reading or listening to negative news, or listening to negative thoughts of people around you, however well-meaning they might be. They may have good intentions, like keeping you safe from harm, but they can also limit you and create fear in you. Like Tony Robbins says: "Stand guard at the door of your mind! Because what's getting in there is shaping you."
So if you really want to feel happy and fulfilled and overcome fear, feeding your mind with positive insights and strategies is the #1 tool. If you don't really like to read books, you can listen to books instead. There are lots of Apps for this nowadays, and I won't promote any particular app here, but Amazon Kindle, Audible, Goodreads and Storytel are some of them if you need a few names to get you started.
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This is a good time to audit your life
If your life up until this point has been dominated by stress and worries and a feeling of not having the life that you really want, this time of home quarantine can actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise for you, because now you've actually got a wonderful opportunity to take stock of where you are in life and create a new beginning for yourself.
Instead of focusing on your fear and worrying about what might happen in this pandemic situation, I suggest that you sit back and take a good look at your life. Find a nice place to sit, light a candle, brew yourself a nice cup of tea ... whatever you need to do to feel good and relaxed, and make sure you're not disturbed for a while. If you're on your own, mute your phone and close down social media and other distractions, and then just sit there quietly for a while and try to calm your mind.
First, if you're struggling, remember these things:
1) You've survived every difficulty you've experienced so far.
2) The best day of your life is still to come - and it will.
3) There are still people you haven't met, places you haven't seen and
things you haven't done, but rest assured: You will experience them all.
This, too, shall pass.
Then ask yourself these questions (and you might want to write this down in a journal or notebook to bring more clarity):
1) Where am I in my life right now? What's my situation?
2) Why am I not happy with the way may life is?
3) How do I want my life to be instead? What do I want it to look like?
What would make me really happy?
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Start living with intention by changing one thing at a time
Just reflect upon these few questions for now. A total life audit might take a little more time, and to not get overwhelmed by it, I suggest you just start with getting clarity around these important questions. Because to be able to plan for the future and start living with intention, you first need to know what your starting point is. Sounds reasonable, right?
Then, when you've gained this clarity, I suggest that - as a first step towards living with intention - you make a decision about ONE thing that you're not satisfied with the way it is now, and that you intend to change on a daily basis. ONE thing that you can change right now, while you're in confinement in your home. You can do this! It doesn't have to be hard. Actually, it might even turn out to be FUN!
Changing a habit isn't done from one day to another. Statistics have shown that we need 90 days to do that. That's why you should try not to make too many changes at the same time, but stick to changing ONE before you move on to the next. And make it do-able. Especially if it's a rather BIG change. Then you might need to break it down into smaller steps and do one step at a time until you've managed to change the thing you had in mind.
For example: If you need to change your financial situation, lose weight or work on your marriage, you will of course need to make small changes over a period of time. But once you've gained clarity about what the change need to be, you've already started moving in the right direction and have every possibility of accomplishing what you really want.
I've written several articles earlier about how you should trust your inner GPS, how your thoughts create your reality, why mind control is important, what you should do to start managing your money in a better way, and about goalsetting, just to mention a few. I suggest you click on the links and read them as well. I think you might find them useful. And while you're at it, I suggest you scroll down and read some more articles, now that you have plenty of time on your hands to start filling your mind with things that can help you live with intention.
This is your time. Use it to your benefit! This can be the best day and the best time of the rest of your life.
See you soon, I hope! We're all in this together!
If you liked this blog post, feel free to leave a comment below and maybe share it with someone else that you think might enjoy it, too.
I also invite you to join my tribe, The Sisterhood of Female Life Designers, which is absolutely FREE, of course! When you do, you'll get instant access to The Female Life Designer's Manifesto, which can help you get right on track to living your life with intention. Join today! I'll be delighted to get to know you!
Picture from GoodReads
I don't really know which came first: My love for books or my love for everything French. All I know is that I've been equally passionate about both since my early childhood, and the combination of the two is simply perfect, in my opinion.
When I discovered the local library at the age of 11 or 12 and understood that I could go there and borrow ANY book for free, I felt like a whole new world opened up to me. To walk among the bookshelves, take in the smell of the books, touch them and read their titles in golden print, and enjoy the silence of the place, the serenity ... that was - and still is - one of my favorite activities in this world. I will never get tired of it.
The library is like a treasure chest, full of diamonds just waiting to be discovered. I've found so many gems there over the years, and I've brought them home with so much anticipation and joy, and seldom - if ever - have I been disappointed.
That's how I disovered Pierre Magnan. I was an adult then, and I think it must have been in the early 90's. When I saw those books sitting there on the library shelf, his name immediately caught my attention, since it was unmistakenly French. That alone was enough to catch my interest, and when I took a closer look at the books and found out that they were crime stories, set in Provence, I knew that I just had to read them. I borrowed all of them at once, and could hardly wait to get home and start reading.
Thrilling detective stories from Provence
I wasn't disappointed. The books I read were the ones that were translated into Norwegian at that point, and whose original titles are Le sang des Atrides (1976), Le Commissaire dans la truffière (1978), and Le secret des Andrônes (1982). The main charachter of the books is Commissaire Laviolette, who is a Detective Inspector in Alpes-des-Haute-Provence. The stories are exciting, the charachters quirky and intriguing, and the books describe perfectly the taste, smell and feeling of Provence. I simply loved them from the moment I started reading!
I've later discovered that several of the books have been adpated for cinema and TV, and you can catch a glimpse of some of them on YouTube. My next project will be to seek out and watch all of them!
HPhotos from Goodreads.com
Who was Pierre Magnan?
Pierre Magnan was a bestselling Frenh author of detective novels, born on September 19th 1922 in Manosque, France. He died on April 28th 2012, aged 89. He went to school in Manosque until the age of 12, and from the age of 13 until he was 20, he worked as a typographer. He started writing at the age of 15, and was greatly influenced by another famous writer from Manosque, Jean Giono, to whom he later dedicated a book.
During World War II, he had to go into hiding in Saint-Pierre d'Allevard in Isère, to escape the service du travail obligatoire. He later joined the French resistance for the rest of the war. In Saint-Pierre d'Allevard, he met Thyde Monnier, a well-known female writer, and finally took the courage to show her some of his writing. She persuaded her editor to publish Pierre's first novel, L'aube insolite, in 1946. It wasn't a great success, but he followed up with 3 more novels, which were equally unsuccessful. He kept on writing, though, and to earn a living, he worked for a transport company, where he stayed for 27 years. He wrote a number of novels during those years, but none of them were published.
Finally, in 1976, he got his break-through with the book Le Sang des Atrides, for which he even obtained Le Prix du Quai des Orfèvres in 1978. At the age of 56, his new career opened up in front of him, and a number of books followed. He wrote more than 30 books altogether, and has been translated into 7 languages.
His most famous book is La maison assassinée, which he wrote in 1984, and for which he obtained le Prix RTL grand public. This book has also been made into a movie, like so many others of his novels. The stories about Commissaire Laviolette have also been adapted for television. You may say that Commissaire Laviolette is just as linked to "the land of lavender" - Provence - as Colin Dexter's Inspector Morse was to the colleges of Oxford.
Pierre Magnan won several awards for his writing. According to Goodreads.com, he was never afraid to experiment, and shifted easily from fiction to non-fiction. For example, he wrote (among many other publications) a gentle portrait of his great influencer Jean Giono - Pour Saluer Giono (1990), a study of Provençal novels (Les Romans de ma Provence, 1998) and two volumes of memoirs. In The Essence of Provence (1998) he followed L'Occitaine from roadside soap stand to globally known brand, and his editor at Robert Laffont, Marie-Laure Goumet, has said that Provence was present in all of Pierre Magnan's books.
Pierre Magnan lived in Alpes-de-Haute-Provence, in Fourcalquier, all his life. In his last years, he devoted himself to another police novel, called Chronique d'un château hanté, in which the story takes place in Manosque and Fourcalquier in a period stretching from la peste noire (1349-1350) up to the present time. It was published by Denoël in 2008, and was followed by a last book about Commissaire Laviolette, Élégie pour Laviolette, in 2010.
Photos from Goodreads.com
Novels by Pierre Magnan:
As mentioned above, his novels have been translated into 7 languages, and the English titles are (as far as I know): The Murdered House, Beyond the Grave, The Messengers of Death, and Death in the Truffle Wood. You can find most of his books on amazon.com, including both his fiction and non-fiction works.
For a complete list of all of Pierre Magnan's work, check out this French Wikipedia article. It also contains a filmography of his work, which I myself find very interesting. I simply love a good crime story, whether in a book or on film, and the works of Pierre Magnan is something I take a particular interest in.
I hope you've found this blog post interesting! You're most welcome to leave a comment below, and I also hope you'll share the article with someone else.
Look out for my next article in this series about my favorite authors from Provence, which will be about Marcel Pagnol.
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Thank you for your interest in my blog, and I hope to see you again soon!
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A new year, and even a new decade, has just begun. It's the time of year when a lot of people make New Year resolutions, because it seems like a good idea. You know: Fresh start, and all that ... Fair enough. We all need that from time to time.
The thing is, by mid-February most of us have already fallen off the wagon. We can't keep it up. It got too overwhelming. Too complicated. Too ambitious. Too ...... whatever. Fill in the blank.
The stats about New Year resolutions and managing to create lasting change from them, are actually rather grim. A study by the Journal of Clinical Pshychology showed that 54 % of people fail to keep it up past six months. And do you know what? Most people even make the same resolutions 10 times without success! Ten times! That's rather sad, don't you think?
Why does this happen, over and over again?
I think there are at least 2 reasons for that:
# 1) We are stuck in habits that we've had for so long that they've become second nature to us, and changing them simply isn't done over night or even in a few weeks. Changing habits actually takes at least 90 days if you want to make them stick, according to scientific research.
# 2) We make the New Year resolutions only in our mind, and that's where we keep them. We don't share them with anyone, because we're afraid we might fail, and that would make us look bad. And then of course that's exactly what we do. Fail, I mean.
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So screw those New Year resolutions, and try something else this year! Are you with me? Good! Let's dive right in and look at ....
3 SIMPLE THINGS YOU SHOULD DO INSTEAD
What I'm going to suggest here doesn't have to be difficult at all. The strategies are actually quite simple, but very few people use them, and therefor very few people get the results that they want. But if you follow the strategies that I'm going to give you, you'll probably be one of the people who do get the results that you want this year and who will succeed in creating a lasting positive change in your life.
Here are the strategies:
# 1 ) Write your goals down
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Did you know that you're 42 % more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down? That's what dr. Gail Matthews, professor of Pshychology at the Dominican University of California, discovered when she did a study on goal setting.
The reason why I mention dr. Matthew's study is that you may otherwise think that I've only made this strategy up in my mind, and since you don't know me, why should you listen to me? Because it almost seems too easy, right? And it is easy! Yet hardly anybody does this! I think that's rather sad.
So write down your goals. It does seem pretty basic, but I can assure you: Most things in life aren't necessarily hard to do. We just have a tendency to make them a lot more complicated than they need to be, because we think that's the way it's supposed to be! So we don't do them!
Maybe you've been taught this when you were younger, that "life is hard", and this belief got rooted in you and made you struggle a lot more than necessary. But you can change that. In other words: It's a choice you can make from this day forward. Tell yourself that life is easy! And then write down your goals, and believe that you'll actually achieve them.
When you write down your goals, don't just do it once and then leave it in your notebook or wherever you write them. I actually suggest that you write down your goals every day. Several times! Even if you don't think it will work. Heck, especially then! Because this isn't some kind of supersticion or whoo-whoo thing. It's about focus. Setting goals and writing them down every day will help you really focus on them. That's what makes it more likely that you'll succeed this time.
For example: If one of your goals is to be a successful writer, you could write down "I'm a successful writer" in your notebook, every single day, preferably several times. To make it even more powerful, you could also read it out loud to yourself, and put some emotion behind it.
I suggest you get yourself a pretty notebook (either buy one or make one) and a good pen, which will make it even more enjoyable for you to do this. And when something feels enjoyable, you'll want to keep doing it. Right?
Now let's move on to the next strategy.
# 2) Make a schedule for when, where and how you'll take action
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Scheduling time for focusing on your goals on a regular basis, and preferably daily, can be the one thing that will guarantee your success.
This has also been subject to research. A study on goal setting and motivation made by social pshychologist dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson, showed that deciding in advance where and when you're going to take specific actions to reach your goals, can double or even triple your chances for success. Those are pretty good stats, don't you think?
So make it part of your "me time" every single day. Find a nice place where you can be undisturbed and really focus on what you want. And set a fixed day and time when you'll do it.
Let's say you've decided that one of your big goals for this year is that you're going to start living "the French way", because you love evertyhing French and you think that's a lifestyle that will be good for you, but you don't know how to get started. So your first goal should probably be to find out as much about that lifestyle as possible, and then your second goal could be to start implementing what you learn on a daily basis.
This is something that can feel less tangible than many other goals, so scheduling this will be really valuable. Writing down you goals, and then actually making time for them in your calendar and sticking to them, n'importe quoi (aka "no matter what!") - will make it so much more likely for you to reach your goals.
Let's say your goal #1 is "Learning about the French lifestyle".
Schedule a time in your calendar for when you'll actually do this. It could be once a day, twice a week ... early in the morning ... at 5 in the afternoon ... whatever you think will work for you. But remember: Don't set yourself up for failure! Make it doable. Ten minutes a day (or even per week) is easier to do than one hour. In other words: Short time periods ensures that you'll follow through and that you'll be able to celebrate wins instead of feeling disappointed in yourself on a regular basis. But I repeat: make sure you schedule a day and a time.
For example, if we break it down to smaller action steps, it could look like this: If you've decided to follow my blog about the French Lifestyle and want to make sure you get my weekly updates, a wise thing to do would be to schedule a time in your calendar every Monday, since that's when I'm publishing new blog posts. This would be your when, and also part of your how. You could also decide that your how would be to read my blog, sign up for my newsletter, join my tribe ... In other words: Take actions that would actually help you learn as much about the French lifestyle as possible and at the same time even help you with your goal # 2: Start implementing what you learn on a daily basis. I would also advise you to follow other blogs on the topic, but it would be wise to focus on just a few to begin with, to avoid overwhelm. Simplicity is always the best strategy!
Then write down where you'll take action. Will it be in your own home? Will it be in a special room? Will you need access to the Internet?
This was just an example, of course.
Depending on your specific goals, where you'll take action could be anywhere from your home to a gym, the seaside, a coffee-shop, a youth-club ... as long as it's a place where you're likely to actually take the action that you need to take in order to reach your goal(s).
Another thing I suggest that you do, is to also make a plan for what you'll do if something happens that could make it difficult for you to stick to your schedule. In other words: A sort of contingency plan, which means that you plan for problems that can occur, or setbacks that you know are likely to happen and that can throw you off track. The better you prepare, the more likely you are to succeed.
Now let's look at the last strategy, which is:
# 3) Tell someone / get an accountability partner
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This one is really powerful! Again, studies have been made on this, and this is what they've found: You actually have a 65 % chance of reaching your goals if you commit to someone. So give updates on your actions to a friend or someone else that you trust and find supportive! And guess what: The same study established that you if you actually have an accountability appointment with that person on a regular basis, say once every fortnight or every month (or every week, which I'd strongly suggest!), - this can increase your chances of success by up to 95 %! Isn't that fantastic!??
And you don't have to make this complicated. You could just make an agreement with your friend that you'll send each other a text message or email (or whatever), say every Friday at a certain time, just to report status quo. It doesn't have to be long, just a few words. That's it. No big deal! But when you think of the stats, - that your chances for success will increase by a whooping 95 % ...! Well, I'd say those few words once a week are worth it, - won't you?
Last, but not least, I will strongly advise that you also - when setting your goals for this year - write down WHY you want to set those goals. This will make your reasons for taking action and following through, even stronger.
Recap of the strategies, and today's Call To Action:
#1) Write down your goals for this year (and WHY you make them)
#2) Schedule when, where and how you'll take action
#3) Tell someone / get an accountability partner
If your goal for this year is to learn more about the French lifestyle and start implementing it in your life on a daily basis, I strongly suggest that you include following my blog in your strategy #2, because I’m on a mission to share everything I know about the French Lifestyle with you and make sure we both live with as much joie de vivre as humanly possible!
We’ll study and go deep into all aspects of «the French way of living», for sure. But slowly, with ease and elegance. Effortlessly! Comme une femme francaise! I’m looking forward to getting to know you, and help you on your way to achieving your goals!
If you're new to my blog and if the French Lifestyle is what interests you, here's a list of some of my previous blog posts:
Why I Swear By The French Lifestyle
12 Ways You Can Become Slim & Chic Like A French Woman Without Even Breaking A Sweat
8 Reasons Why The French Don't Diet, And Why You Don't Have To, Either
And if you'd like to make sure you don't miss any of my posts about the French Lifestyle in the future, sign up for my Newsletter!
Another great way to make sure you achieve your goal, is to join my tribe, The Sisterhood of Female Life Designers. When you do, you'll get instant access to the printable check-list 12 Ways You Can Become Slim & Chic Like A French Woman Without Even Breaking A Sweat, which can put you on the right track to achieving some of your goals and dreams!
If you enjoyed this blog post, feel free to leave a comment below and even share this with someone else who might enjoy it, too!
À bientôt! (aka "See You Soon!")
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In my previous blog post, I promised I’d come back to how French women act around food and why most of them are so slim.
You do want to know, right?
Because if you look around you in a crowd when you’re in France, it’s very unlikely that you’ll see any obese or even mildly overweight people.
Why is that?
Well, here are 8 of the reasons:
# 1) Food is a lifestyle
In France, food is seen as a pleasure and an art, not just something you eat to avoid hunger and make sure your body gets what it needs every day.
The French have a lifestyle that allows moderation and pleasure to walk hand-in-hand. It’s how they’ve been raised, and it’s how they stay healthy and live life in general.
In fact: No food is off limit for most French women. One reason is that they make sure they get enouogh exercise on a daily basis. They’re constantly on the move, making their daily routine part of their exercise. They walk everywhere, climb the stairs, and so on, - like I wrote in my previous blog post (link).
That’s why going to the gym simply isn’t something they do a lot. If they do, they seldom go more often than twice a week, and definitely not to get ripped. It’s because they’ve found an activity they enjoy, and because they know they’ll feel good afterwards.
Another reason is that deprivation, negative feelings toward food, cutting out entire food groups, or eating factory-made products, just isn’t a French woman’s style. It’s never about deprivation or absolutes. It’s about being smart with choices and quantities, and it’s about eating healthy and also exercising on a regular basis.
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# 2) They get food education from an early age
The French learn from an early age to appreciate fine food and to be proud of their nation’s food traditions. The children learn that meal times are regular, no snacking between meals, and that sweets and sugary cakes are for special occasions only.
This instills healthy eating habits from an early age.
They also learn to eat what the adults eat, and to finish what’s on their plate. This encourages them to try new foods and not be «picky» about what they eat. This is also why you don’t find any «Children’s menu» in French restaurants.
# 3) The Government supports healthy eating
Even in schools, healthy lunches are a priority in France. The French government makes a serious effort to ensure that children are getting proper nutrition. Therefor, three-course, balanced meals are the standard in school canteens, and candy-bars have been removed and replaced with fresh fruits.
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# 4) Three or four meals a day and no snacking between meals
The French normally have 3 meals a day, and generally don’t eat between these fixed meals. The 3 main meals are breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Usually the breakfast is something light, like a croissant or slice of bread with butter and jam, and a bowl of café au lait. It’s also worth noting that bread in France normally have no sugar added and is therefor usually healthier than bread types you get in many other countries.
Lunch is considered the main meal during the day, and can last up to 2 hours. It consists of several courses: Starter, main dish and dessert. Not the kind of dessert you normally think of, though, like a pudding. Dessert to a French woman normally means fresh fruit.
There’s usually no snacking between meals, but kids who arrive from school in the afternoons eat some bread with jam paired with a glass of milk. This afternoon snack is known as le goûter, according to www.talkinfrench.com .
Then there’s dinner in the evening, normally around 7:30 pm. This meal also normally consists of 3-4 courses, but can sometimes be a lighter meal than lunch.
# 5) Fresh produce – no processed food
The French stick to their traditional eating habits, and frankly: There’s a lot to learn from them. Like the fact that they generally …
The climate in France makes it possible for a wide array of high-quality ingredients to be produced. Everything is freshly picked and cooked to perfection.
This means that the French generally eat «real» unprocessed food and less low-fat, sugar-free and fat-free versions (which are often actually full of artificial sweeteners and other ingredients that are not good for you).
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Meat is often the center piece in French meals.
Vegetables – the freshest and the ripest – are carefully picked and prepared. These are then cooked into side dishes or as part of the main course.
Cheese is among the things the French can’t live without. It’s always served as a part of a meal, right after the main course and before the dessert.
Bread is common in most meals, especially breakfast and dinner. There’s a wide variety of breads in France, but the baguette is probably the one most frequently used.
Although there are several supermarkets in France, especially in larger cities, offering many imported varieties of food and ready-made meals, - the farmer’s markets are still popular. Traditional French cuisine relies on fresh fruit, vegetables and meat, and the average French person still sticks to the traditional way of preparing food.
Young people may be more open to Anglo influences and be more frequent users of the American fast-food chains that have invaded France in the last decade or so. But the traditional French eating habits live on, and you’ll probably still find most of the fast-food restaurants more or less empty between the official meal times, even though they’re more likely to have longer opening hours than French restaurants and in that way are more available to the public.
Of course, France is a popular tourist destination, and also have many citizens originating from other parts of the world, so the supermarkets and fast-food chains do serve their purpose and have their regular customers. But the average French person still prefers to do their grocery shopping at the local butcher’s, boulangerie and farmer’s market, where they get fresh food.
# 6) They take time to enjoy the food
Another healthy habit is that French people don’t eat «on the go». They sit down at a table, preferrably with family or friends, and enjoy the before-mentioned 3-course meal.
This doesn’t mean that they eat a lot, though. They generally serve smaller portions of each dish and sit longer at the table. As mentioned earlier, lunch is the most important meal in France, and can typically last up to 2 hours. This is because the French really savor the moment, enjoy the food and the company of friends and family, which naturally allows proper digestion.
They also take plenty of time between each dish, which also ensures that they know when they’re full and therefor don’t over-eat.
Because cooking is considered an art in France, and the ingredients are carefully picked, the dishes are usually full of the right nutrients that satiate hunger and maintain proper metabolism.
Photo by Adrienn from Pexels
# 7) They drink a lot of water
Unlike what you might think, the French often drink water with meals. But of course they do also like some red or white wine, but then they stick to one glass or two small glasses, and not a whole bottle of it. In France, you also rarely see a pint of beer or bottles of soda or other sugary drinks on the table at meals.
# 8) Eating attitude
Unlike people from many other countries, the French actually listen to their bodies when they eat, and will therefor feel when they’re full. They say, “Ca va, je n’ai plus faim” (meaning «I’m good»), and then they stop eating. Many other nationalities would stop eating only when the food is all gone, but as long as there is still food on the plate, they will continue to eat.
Those are the 8 main reasons the French women don’t diet and also generally don’t get fat.
Of course, there are no rules without exceptions, but the French lifestyle is absolutely one we could all learn from. For me, it’s the ultimate thing. Depriving myself of food that I like, or shaming myself for not going to the gym or doing heavy work-outs on a general basis, is not for me.
I’m living the French lifestyle now, and so can YOU.
I want to enjoy my life, and the general attitude of slowing down and savoring each moment, is absolutely something that appeals to me and also seems wise. I’ve had enough stress in my life, and it hasn’t done me any good.
I used to live «the French way» in my twenties, and that was the healthiest I’ve ever been. So when I found my way back to that after many years of living a different lifestyle, - a lifestyle where I was struggling with stress and putting on weight, - it was such a relief!
So how about you?
Are you sick of struggling with weight-loss and diets? Do you feel that strickt work-out regimes haven’t paid off for you? Do you feel that your life is full of stress and that you’re sort of running on a hamster’s wheel and not getting anywhere?
Photo by Markus Spiske temporausch.com from Pexels
If so, I really suggest that you consider adopting the French way of living.
Even if you don’t live in France, it’s not difficult at all. It’s a way of living, an attitude towards life, that you can incorporate wherever you are.
Why not start right now?
Here’s how you can do that:
Having a community of likeminded women to support you and share your thoughts with, is absolutely GOLD! And it’s FUN! So join today!
When you join, you’ll also get a downloadable version of The Female Life Designer’s Manifesto, which is a great way of getting into «the French way» of living right away!
And this is just the beginning!
If you really want to learn more about the French lifestyle, I’m on a mission to share everything I know with you and make sure we both live with as much joie de vivre as humanly possible!
We’ll study and go deep into all aspects of «the French way of living», for sure. But slowly, with ease and elegance. Effortlessly! Comme une femme francaise! I’m looking forward to getting to know you!
If you enjoyed this blog post, feel free to leave a comment below and even share this with someone else who might enjoy it, too!
Why is it that French women never seem to get fat? Have you ever wondered how they can be surrounded by all that delicious food and wine and still not put on weight? It doesn't seem fair ...!
Do they exercise like crazy at the gym every week?
Non. Absolument pas! In fact, you don't find many gyms in France compared to other countries. It hasn't been as popular with the French to "sweat out" in a gym, although there has been a certain development in this area in the last 15 years or so.
The French traditionally prefer sports, like football (soccer), tennis and cycling. Among women, I'd say tennis and walking are the more popular activities. If a French woman goes to a gym on a regular basis, she doesn't really talk about it, and she definitly wouldn't be seen on the streets in a gym outfit! Jamais de la vie!
Do they eat only green salads and deprive themselves of cakes and other delicacies?
Nope. In fact, they eat cakes with great pleasure!
So what's the secret!?
If you've ever wondered about this and want to be like those French women, I would think that you're just as eager to find out as I was ....
Well, today is the day to rejoice, because I'm on a mission to tell you everything I know about the French Lifestyle! Not just because I'm a "Francophile" who have had a fascination for everything French since my childhood, - the language, the food, the style ... the "joie de vivre" that the French are so good at ... - but because I truly believe that the French life-style can be life-changing for you, just as it's been for me.
However, telling you everything in one blog post is practically impossible, because there's so much to be said about the French way of living. The best way to really take it all in, is to digest it the way the French digest their food: Slowly, really enjoying the meal, savoring the moment. But I'll go deeper into that in a later blog post, - I promise!
Today, I'll be focusing on telling you how you can become slim and chic like a French woman without even breaking a sweat.
Photo by bruce mars from Pexels
So here's how you can do that:
# 1) Develop a positive body image and stop
following the trends.
This is at the top of my list for a reason. In today's world we hear and read daily about weight-loss and dieting. Magazines show us pictures of what "the perfect body" should look like, what the latest fashion trend is, and why it's a "must" for anybody who wants to be "à la mode" ...
A French woman couldn't care less about this. She knows that her worth as a woman doesn't depend on how much she weighs or whether she follows the latest fashion trends or not. She knows that the most important thing is how you feel about yourself, and that you learn how to "play with what you've got" and wear clothes that look good on YOU, in shape and color. Your clothing should bring out your best features and be of good quality.
So a French woman has a very relaxed body image. She doesn't complain about her body or comment on whether she's thin or fat. She just doesn't give it much thought. Just as the French have a positive attitude toward eating, they have a positive attitude toward the body and fitness.
And remember: less stress is one of the keys to losing weight, or at least to stop gaining more of it.
# 2) Slow down and enjoy every moment.
I won't claim that all French women are completely relaxed and never show any signs of stress. Paris in particular can be very stressful for a working woman, so I guess you may find some examples of stressed women there. But in general, French women have an attitude towards life that is very laid-back and uncomplicated, and they seem to have understood the importance of savoring each moment.
For example, they always sit down to have a meal, - or even if they only intend to have a drink. You wouldn't see a French woman walking on the street with a hamburger in one hand and a bottle of soda in the other. Jamais de la vie! She would go and sit down in a café or restaurant and take her time to really enjoy the food or her cup of coffee, or whatever she's having.
And meal-times at home are holy. You won't see a French family stand at the kitchen counter and eat "on the go". They sit down at the table and enjoy the food. Digest it slowly. Have a relaxed conversation together. And they eat small portions and stop before they're too full. They take their time to feel satisfied by the food.
And it's like that with any activity, really. French women are in the moment and not just rushing through or thinking about what's coming up next. When they're with friends, they sit down and have a real conversation. If they're doing an activity together, they engage in it.
You get the picture. There's so much to gain by adopting the French woman's way of doing things. So from this day forward, I suggest you start savoring every moment of every day. Take notice of your surroundings. Talk to people. Sit down and relax, and just BE.
And what does this have to do with becoming slim and chic?
Remember: Stress can make you gain weight, so slowing down and being more present in the moment will have a great impact on how you digest your food and the effect it will have on your body.
# 3) Incorporate exercise into every aspect of your daily routine.
Exercise is good for you. There's no doubt about that. But you don't have to spend thousands on a membership at the local gym and torture yourself through an hour-long hard work-out routine 3 times a week to get enough of it. In fact: Spending an hour at the gym may do your body more harm than good if it’s not an exercise you like, or you don’t have the right technique.
20-30 minutes of daily exercise can have a far better effect in the long run, and it's also much easier to incorporate and therefor more likely that you'll actually see it through.
So instead of going to the gym, do like the French woman: Make your daily routine an exercise. When you wake up in the morning, stretch your body a little bit. If it appeals to you and you have the time: Go for a brisk walk around the block. And if you don't have the time (because you're going to work), or you simply don't feel like it early in the morning, just incorporate more walking throughout the day.
# 4) Park further away.
If you need your car in order to get you to work on time, at least park further away and make sure you get that quick walk every morning and afternoon. If you go by public transport, get off at a different stop so you get a few minutes longer to walk.
# 5) Walk the stairs.
If you live or work in a building with several floors, walk the stairs instead of using the elevator. If there is no elevator, - so much the better! Then you don't have a choice, and you already have a certain amount of daily exercise in your life. If you don't feel that's enough, you can always walk the stairs an extra time up and down, or run them.
Photo by Agung Pandit Wiguna from Pexels
# 6) Make shopping part of your exercise.
Depending on where you live, you can walk to more than one store to buy your groceries. This is not only good for your legs, but can be good for your arms, too, if you don't carry too much.
If that's what you have a tendency to do and therefor always go by car to do your grocery shopping, do it like a French woman instead: Bring a trolley bag to put the groceries in, plan your shopping beforehand and stick to your list. In this way, you get more exercise AND you prevent unhealthy shopping habits. Two good things in one, that will help you to become slim and chic like a French woman!
If there's a market where you live, buy your food there instead of going to the supermarket. Fresh food is always better, and good quality meals that are prepared from scratch are much to be preferred to ready-made meals that you just heat in the microwave. A French woman would prefer to buy her food at the market, whenever possible.
It's also much more enjoyable to have that personal contact with the vendors. Take your time and chat with them. It will be good for your social networking, your mood, your stress level and maybe even your wallet, if your friendship with a vendor happens to give you the occational discount.
# 7) Explore your neighborhood.
Of course, if you live in a big city, exploring your neighborhood is rather easy. There will always be some place you haven't seen yet. But if you're living in a smaller place, it can be a bit more challenging to find somewhere new to explore. However, it's not impossible.
Try to be creative about it, and really use your eyes when you're out and about. You might find a tiny new shop, or maybe you'll discover a path through the woods that you haven't noticed before.
Make it an adventure. And why not extend what you call your neighborhood a little bit further out of "your zone"?
If you don't normally go to the library, - do that. And walk there, or go on your bike, so you get the intended exercise. I'm sure you can think of more things along the same line.
# 8) Create an active challenge for yourself every day.
Tailor this to your everyday needs. If there's an elevator in your building, challenge yourself to walk the stairs if you normally use the elevator.
Or challenge yourself to walk for at least 10 minutes, even if you don't feel like it.
# 9) Make your household chores into an exercise.
-Do the cleaning yourself, instead of hiring someone. Try speed-cleaning a
a little bit every day to keep your home looking presentable. Give yourself
a time limit, like 10 minutes, and put on some motivational music while
you're doing it. Really go for it. Scrub, push, straighten... whatever it is
you need to get done.
- Dance or make lunges while you do the hoovering.
- Do squats when polishing or dusting legs of chairs and tables.
- Wash the toilet in an energetic way.
- Change the beds more often.
- Use your hands and arms when you prepare food, if possible, instead of
always using kitchen appliances....
... and so on. If you do this, you'll burn calories and keep your house looking great at the same time. Try to make the experience as pleasurable as possible. Put on a lovely apron or some colorful rubber gloves. You get the picture.
Little by little you'll get leaner, stronger and fitter, simply by doing your daily routines.
# 10) Make your leisure time more active.
In today's society it can really be a challenge to stay away from your mobile phone or your computer and not constantly check your social media, play games, etc., - or just lie on the sofa and binge-watch TV-series while eating potato chips or some other "goodies". Because we CAN.
A French woman wouldn't do that. She'd prefer to be active. She'd go out, meet friends, socialize, go for a stroll along the river, visit an art gallery or a museum (where she'd be walking around, of course), go to the library ... that sort of things.
Even socializing at a café, which might sound like a less active way of spending time, is - I can assure you - much better than sitting around the house and just spend time on social media. At least going to a café means that you have to get out of the house and probably walk a certain distance to get there, and you'll be spending time with real people - friends! - which will be ten times better for your overall wellbeing.
But even if you should prefer to stay at home, you'd be doing yourself a favor if you'd spend more of your time either reading a book, working on a creative project (like sewing, arts & crafts, painting...), or having a good conversation with a friend or family member, rather than just checking your social media and eating potato chips.
You don't see the difference? Well, even if all of those activities are being executed sitting down, I do believe that the kind of activities I mentioned will do your heart and soul far more good than getting bombarded with all kinds of news - good or bad - on social media, - some of which aren't even true and might just make you feel bad or inadequate, - and spending your time on more creative activities will also lower your stress level and make you feel more fulfilled.
The French woman has understood this. She'd much prefer taking an active part in something, whether it's reading a book that will stimulate her intellect or her emotions, having a conversation with another human being, or taking part in some physical or creative activity that will do her good in other ways, - rather than sitting passively around, doing nothing.
I'm not saying that "just sitting around" is a thing you should avoid at all cost. Sometimes it's absolutely necessary to relax completely and do nothing.
What I'm saying is that on a general basis, being active in some way will benefit you more, and especially if your aim is to be slim and have a stimulating and happy life together with the people you love. So I suggest that you try to make your leisure time at least a little bit more active, if sitting or lying on the sofa every night is what you tend to do at the moment.
Photo by ELEVATE from Pexels
# 11) Dance!
This is another great way to exercise. You don't need to be a pro, and you can do it in the comfort of your own home, without anybody watching (if that's what you prefer). You can incorporate it into your domestic work, or dedicate 10 minutes to it now and then. It's up to you.
# 12) Do leg-lifts or some other exercise while
Do 12 leg-lifts while watching TV, or do a "90 degrees" challenge against a wall for a certain amount of minutes (If you don't know what that is, it means sitting in a 90 degree angle against a wall. I promise you that you'll feel the burn within a short time!). Or do the plank for 1 minute... or some other exercise.
You get the idea. There are so many things you can do while you're being passively entertained in some way or other. Find something that you find inspiring. Come up with your own unique challenge.
If you incorporate these 12 rules in your daily life, I feel confident that before you know it, you'll be slim & chic like a French woman, without even breaking a sweat!
If you want to have the 12 rules easily at hand, you can download this printable version.
And if you want to learn more about how you can live «the French way», I’ll be more than happy to teach you step by step how you can make it happen! Even if you don’t live in France, it’s not difficult at all. It’s a way of living, an attitude towards life, that you can incorporate wherever you are.
Why not start right now?
#1) Print out the 12 rules of «12 Ways You Can Become Slim & Chic Like A French Woman Without Even Breaking A Sweat», and start with #1 TODAY!
# 2) Join my community of Female Life Designers!
Having a community of likeminded women to support you and share your thoughts with, is absolutely GOLD! So join today!
When you join, you’ll get a downloadable version of The Female Life Designer’s Manifesto, which is a great way of getting into «the French way» of living right away!
You'll also get access to our closed Facebook group where you can get to know other members, share your thoughts and take part in ongoing conversations, and also be a part of the show whenever I do a Facebook live, etc.
And this is just the beginning!
We will study and go deep into all aspects of living «the French lifestyle», for sure. But slowly, with ease and elegance. Effortlessly! Comme une femme francaise!
If you enjoyed this blog post, feel free to leave a comment below and share it with someone else who might enjoy it, too!
I've always been what you may call a "Francophile", which means that I've always been drawn to everything French: The language, the food, the culture, the style ... the "joie de vivre" that the French are so good at.
I don’t really know why I got this fascination to begin with. I guess I just heard the French language and fell in love with it, and then I watched some French TV-series and movies and read more about France in various books, and for some reason the French way of living just appealed to me more than anything else, and I dreamed of living there.
MY INTRODUCTION TO THE FRENCH LIFE-STYLE
And then I got a French friend. I was 14 years old at the time, and a French girl came to my hometown during the summer holidays to visit her father, who was working in Norway at the time. She came with her mother and younger brother, and by chance we met and became friends.
At 14 she already had more style than any Norwegian girl I knew (including myself). Her mother was effortlessly elegant and relaxed, and very down to earth.
They were living examples of all that I wanted to be. They were not trying to live up to anybody's expectations or pretended to be something they were not. They were just confident in their own skin and wanted everything in life to be of good quality, whether it was food, clothing or spare time activities.
I learned a lot from my French friend. I observed her and her mother in their day-to-day activities, - the way they talked, the way they conducted themselves. And I knew I wanted to be more like them.
They only stayed for 2 brief summer months, but we kept in touch through frequent letters, and this contributed greatly to my knowledge of the French language, which I'll be forever grateful for.
My longing for France didn't exactly diminish with this experience. I felt so drawn to the French lifestyle, because it seemed to be the perfect fit for me and my personality.
I waited for many years before I was able to get myself to France to see my dear friend Brigitte again and be able to breathe in the French air at last!
When I was 24, my friend was getting married and invited me to her wedding. Quelle joie! I could tell you a lot about that trip, and I'll come back to that later, but long story short: The 2 weeks I spent there rooted France firmly in my heart forever.
Going back home after that trip felt strange, as if life had just played me a trick. As much as I love my country, I felt like I had finally gotten a glimpse of Heaven, only to be rejected at the gate. The French lifestyle had gotten under my skin, and I knew I’d go back some day.
I guess my friendship with Brigitte and the atmosphere I had sucked in during my visit to her country, influenced me in such a profound way that I had gradually adopted a French attitude to life. At least the "French light" version. It had become a natural part of who I was and the way I lived.
So how exactly did I live «the French lifestyle»?
- I had a very relaxed attitude towards life.
- I had confidence in myself and my own capabilities.
- I had a positive body image.
- I enjoyed good food.
- I exercised without really thinking about it.
- I had a great social life, with lots of friends around me.
- There was plenty of fun and laughter, and social activities
like going to a café, the movies or a concert.
- I engaged in great conversations with my friends.
- I was very active.
- I engaged in activities that stimulated my intelligence (like reading).
- I engaged in creative activities, especially writing and Arts & Crafts.
- I sang in a choir and listened to music a lot.
In short: I really, really enjoyed my life!
And I was slim! Effortlessly. I didn't have to think about it at all! No dieting. No strict exercise regimes. No depriving myself of good food. No stress!
I WAS A SLIM (AND QUITE CHIC) WOMAN
When I was in my twenties, I never had to think twice about what I put into my mouth. I was always slim, n'importe quoi! I enjoyed moving my body and did a lot of walking, running, cycling, skiing, hiking, etc.
In short: I was very active. I had a flat stomach, and I was in the best shape of my life. I had no trouble finding clothes that fit me perfectly, and going shopping was fun and exciting!
I actually had a great style at that time. I knew which colors and shapes looked good on me, and I enjoyed finding clothes that not 9 out of 10 other girls were wearing.
Looking back now, to my life the way it was in my twenties, I can see that I really lived "the French way" back then.
So what happened?
Well, I guess LIFE happened. Somewhere along the way, things slowly changed. After a few wonderful and happy years back in my hometown, our group of friends dissolved. One by one we moved on.
Some went away to start a higher education; some left because they got a new job. Others left because they wanted to go back home.
Soon, I felt that it was time for me to move on, too. I wanted to go to college, like so many others.
This naturally meant a change of environment, and the next year was in many ways quite challenging for me. I went through a period where I felt very lonely and suddenly lost all confidence in myself, and other issues became more pressing than keeping up the French lifestyle.
However, things did improve. I found new friends and had a much better time, but I had in some ways lost myself along the way, and I felt that I had to try and blend in with the people around me.
This feeling got rather rooted in me, and the next years of my life was more about blending in than being true to the person I felt that I was deep inside, and it became harder for me to live the way I really wanted.
I guess I wasn't confident enough to "stand my ground", so to speak. So I blended in and tried not to provoke anyone. The "French lifestyle" sizzled away...
And after college I got a job. Met a man. Got married. Got 2 wonderful kids. In short: I had a good life in many ways, and looking back on it now, I wouldn't have been without those years. They gave me some of the best experiences in my life, first of all giving birth to and raising 2 great children, who to this very day are my pride and joy.
And all these years, I was slim. I even stayed slim after I'd given birth to 2 kids, and of course I was very pleased with that.
But then, just as I turned 40, something happened that made me gain almost 20 kilos of weight.
THE SHIFT FROM SLIM AND CHIC TO THE NOT QUITE SO CHARMING VERSION OF ME.
So what was it that suddenly made me gain this weight?
Well, I had an accident. I got a head injury.
Now, you wouldn't immediately think that an incident like that would make me gain weight. But the fact is that the accident had physical consequences that forced me to be less active for a while, because of heavy migraine, dizziness and other symptoms.
If you want to learn more, I’ve written about it all in my article “Coming Out Of The Closet With PCS. Could You Possibly Have It Too?”
But the biggest consequence was the stress. The stress around not being able to live the way I'd always lived: Physically active and enjoying life.
Slowly, without even noticing it at first, I started putting on weight.
Have you ever experienced that, - how things slowly change over time, without you noticing it?
Well, that happened to me, and after a while, I realized that I had become overweight. Not obese, but I definitly wasn't slim anymore!
It was devastating to me! I suddenly didn't like the woman staring back at me in the mirror anymore. I started to cover myself up in baggy clothes to hide my tummy, and I didn't even realize that it just made me look even bigger.
I didn't like to be photographed anymore. I didn't like to shop for clothes. I didn't enjoy eating the way I did before.
I was constantly thinking about the fact that I had become a version of me that I didn't like. And it really, really stressed me out.
This went on for years, until I realized that I couldn't go on like that. I wanted my life back! That's when I came across several books that helped me shift my thinking.
I realized that I was good enough just the way I was, but I also learned that it was all up to me to make the changes I needed in my life.
I've written and talked quite a lot about mindset and how your thoughts create your reality, so I won't repeat that here right now. Let me just say that I started to make some changes that slowly put me back on track, back to the woman I wanted to be. And the main shift was changing my thoughts.
Many years had passed at this point, and I was no longer consciously thinking about "the French lifestyle". I just knew that I wasn't living in accordance with who I really was, anymore. And that had to change.
FINDING MY WAY BACK
I've spent almost 2 decades sort of fighting my way back to a "normal" life after the head injury. But in so many ways I've been happier this last decade than I was for quite a few years, because I learned how to shift my thinking and understood that I had to start living in accordance with who I really am again.
But for a long time, I wasn’t really sure how I could do that. I felt sort of restless and a little bit "out of place", and I wasn't quite able to establish WHY. I’ve had a vision of what I want, and I've been moving towards that, little by little, but I've been searching for MY way.
And then, suddenly, I had an epiphany:
"I have to go back to living the French lifestyle again!"
Suddenly everything fell back in place for me. My mood instantly got a boost!
I need to go back to living «the French lifestyle» again because that’s the lifestyle that has always felt natural to me and my personality. That’s the way I lived in my twenties, and that’s when I felt good in my skin and was at my healthiest in every way.
So that’s what I’m doing.
Even though I’m not living in France, I’m finding ways to live «the French lifestyle» where I am, and it’s not difficult at all.
And I want to teach other women "the French lifestyle", too. I want to teach YOU how to live "comme une francaise". Because I truly believe it can be life-changing for you, as it has been for me.
I hereby declare:
From this day forward, my focus will be on
sharing with you everything I know about
the French lifestyle,
and make sure we both live with as much "joie de vivre"
as humanly possible!
So if you want to learn more about how you can live «the French way», I’ll be more than happy to teach you step by step how you can make it happen! Even if you don’t live in France, it’s not difficult at all. It’s a way of living, an attitude towards life, that you can incorporate wherever you are.
Why not start right now?
- Sign up for my newsletter so you don't miss out on future blog posts
about the French Lifestyle!
- Make sure you don't miss out on my next blog post: "12 Ways You Can Become Slim & Chic Like A French Woman Without Even Breaking A Sweat»!
- Join my community The Sisterhood of Female Life Designers on Facebook!
Having a community of likeminded women to support you
and share your thoughts with, is absolutely GOLD! So join today!
When you join, you’ll get a downloadable version of The Female Life Designer’s Manifesto, which is a great way of getting into «the French way» of living right away!
And this is just the beginning!
We will study and go deep into all aspects of living «the French lifestyle», for sure. But slowly, with ease and elegance. Effortlessly! Comme une femme francaise!
If you enjoyed this blog post, feel free to leave a comment below and share it with someone else who might enjoy it, too!
Most people don't understand that all power lies within ourselves.
I didn't, either, until about a decade ago.
But now I know. For sure.
Our lives are not just a series of accidental happenings. Our outer circumstances are built directly or indirectly, innocently and usually unknowingly, but nevertheless inevitably, by groups of inner feelings. These inner feelings constitute our moods, and our moods can be controlled by our thoughts. Of course, sometimes we just feel something, and we can't really explain where that feeling comes from, because it doesn't seem to be based in any reason or fact, so you may argue that there was no active thought that caused the feeling to rise. But I believe that what we feel is closely connected to some thought or inner belief that we have on a regular basis, maybe without being aware of it, and that inner belief affects our feelings. At some point, tiny seeds have been planted in our minds, by our parents, our teachers, our religious leaders or other people around us - or by ourselves - and these seeds grow in our subconscious and become beliefs.
Our acts spring from these secret seeds that we have planted or allowed to be planted. Our subconscious mind is - like I've mentioned here on my blog before - like a very powerful cannon. But this cannon is not like a regular cannon. It's constructed on the principle of a boomerang, which means that every "shot" (or thought or word) fired from it, comes back to us. And it doesn't come back alone. It returns filled with results, realities, actual occurences. Whether these realities are destructive or constructive, what you want or what you don't want, depends completely on which direction you keep your "cannon" (your thoughts, your words) directed most of the time. That's why it's so important to be aware of your dominant thoughts and be careful about which words you speak.
Because you give power to the thoughts you keep thinking on a regular basis, and to the words you keep saying over and over again. They affect your mood, your inner feelings, your beliefs. So if your thoughts and words are mostly about worries that you have, I believe that what you will experience in your life will most likely be the things you most worry about. In fact, this is not just something I believe. I have experienced it, over and over and over again in my own life. Until I understood what I was doing, and started to change my thoughts.
Because, just as your anxious or negative thoughts affect your outer circumstances, so do your constructive and positive thoughts. If you build up a constructive mood, your inner forces are directed toward what you want, and if you keep this mood and make sure it becomes your overall feeling, nothing on earth can prevent you from eventually getting what you want or something better.
So control your mind. Be aware of your thoughts. But bear in mind that it's not so much what you say, do or pretend that will get you what you want. It's what you FEEL. Whatever keeps bubbling up in your life on a constant basis is the fruit of the feelings you've entertained in your subconscious over a long period of time.
You are the master of your own life. But you need to recognize this responsibility as your own and stop blaming your circumstances on other people or "life happenings".
If it's difficult for you to see this, that your outer world, your life as a whole and the sum total of your experiences are the massed result of your own moods or feelings - just leave it alone for a while. Let it rest. Let the thought mature on you. And just for the fun of it: Take a look back at your life, or take at look at the life of someone you know, and reflect on what your situation or their situation looks like, and what seems to have been the general attitude in yourself or that other person over a period of time, which may have given the results that you see.
That's all for now. I'll see you soon.
If you liked this blog post, feel free to comment below or share it with someone else. Thank you!
Illustration photo by Flickr.
I've decided that it's time. After more or less 18 years of not talking about it, I need to come out of the closet and say it out loud: I suffer from PCS.
Never heard about it? I'm not surprised. I hadn't heard about it, either, until a doctor diagnosed me with it back in 2003. I'd known for a long time (more than 2 years) that there was something wrong with me, and I'd been telling my GP (General Practitioner Doctor) my theory about it, but I felt that he didn't believe me. In fact: Many doctors know very little about this, and my GP at the time obviously didn't.
I'm not writing this blog post to bring shame upon anyone, but after my own personal experiences with PCS, I think it's time to shine some light upon this invisible injury, which is more common than you'd think, and which a lot of people suffer from, especially many athletes. But people with PCS often keep silent about their illness because they feel they're not being taken seriously or even believed. That's why I've kept silent about it, too. That doesn't make it go away, though.
So let me tell you my story:
Back in March 2001, I had applied for a vacant job at the local municipality office after having worked from home for 7 years. It was a part-time job (60 %).
Just before I was going to start that job, I had an accident. I hit my head very hard against a bookshelf in my son's room one day, and I had a constant headache for 2 days. I didn't call any doctor, though, because I didn't want to bother anyone or "complain" (guess I'm a typical woman!) and I thought it would pass. So I started that job, despite the headache, because I thought if I started off with a sick-leave, I'd lose the job right away, so I tried to hang in there as best I could.
Only the pain didn't pass. Well, it got better, but I was dizzy and also had other strange symptoms, like feeling completely exhausted just by walking up one flight of stairs, and I had migraine with "aura" almost every day, - so after a couple of days I finally went to see a doctor (not my usual GP). He examined me, but couldn't find anything wrong. He did, however, say that I should probably take it easy for a few days and asked me if I needed a sick note. I was reluctant at first and said "no, thank you", - but it didn't take long before I had to go back to the doctor and ask him to write that sick note anyways, and so I was on sick-leave for 2 weeks.
That was just the beginning.
Let me just cut a long story short and say that I was in and out of that doctor's office more times than I care to remember, and I felt more and more like I was regarded a hypochondriac each time I went there, because the doctor couldn't find any physical evidence of my illness. I felt more and more that he didn't quite believe that there was anything wrong with me at all, even though I'd told him about what happened when I hit my head and I'd described my symptoms and told him over and over again that they had to be connected to my injury, because it all started then and I'd never had any such symptoms in all my life before that.
It wasn't until 2 years later that I finally got diagnosed. My GP had sent me to the local hospital to have some tests done over a couple of days, which meant that I had to be admitted, and during that hospital stay, after having been interviewed by the doctors and told them my story, one of the doctors came to me one day and gave me a Medical Journal with an article that he wanted me to read. "See if this describes what you're going through..." he said, as he handed it over to me.
Post Concussion Syndrome
The article turned out to be about something I'd never heard about before: Post Concussion Syndrome, but which I immediately recognized. (I won't explain in detail here, but you can read all about PCS here). When I read the article, everything fell into place. It was as if it was written about me personally. And the doctor told me that he'd had a similar experience as mine when he was younger. He'd fallen into a river and hit his head on a rock, and he got a severe concussion and suffered from it for many years afterwards. Post Concussion Syndrome really means "long-time effect from a severe concussion", - or to quote the Concussion Legacy Foundation: "Post-Concussion Syndrome, or PCS, is the persistence of concussion symptoms beyond the normal course of recovery" - and there was really no doubt: That was exactly what I was going through.
It was such a relief to finally meet someone who understood what I was struggling with, and who could give me some answers! I asked the doctor if this was something I would have to struggle with for the rest of my life, or if there was anything at all I could do to heal myself. He said there was a chance that I could get well eventually, but that I most likely would have the symptoms for many years to come. He advised me to read more about it on the Internet when I got home from the hospital, and said that I should try to avoid all kinds of stress, mental and physical, and that I would probably need to rest a lot. If I managed to do that, he had good hopes for me, but couldn't make any promises.
It turned out that I was in one of the categories of people who were most likely to develop PCS and have symptoms for a long period of time. I'm a woman, I was in my 40s when I got the injury, and I'd had several head injuries and concussions as a child. For your information, I had at least 3 incidences of concussion in my childhood, - on one occasion I had to stay home from school for a whole week. I also had what they call "petit mal" epilepsy for a few years in my childhood, where I had "black-outs" and didn't know what was going on around me. Luckily, I "grew out of" that, but all these things probably made me especially vulnerable to PCS, and is probably part of the reason why I still have it.
Symptoms of PCS
If you suffer from symptoms that no doctor has managed to diagnose, maybe you have PCS, too. These are some of the symptoms:
Headache / Migraine, often with "aura" (eyesight disturbances)
Flushing of cheeks
Temperature control issues
Visual convergence insufficiency
Shortness of breath
Frequent toilet visits / need to urinate
Increased intolerance with alcohol
I've suffered from most of these symptoms, especially during the first few years. Some still linger on, but I'm better. When I'm allowed to set my own agenda, I can live more or less like normal, but if I have to be in an ordinary job, I seldom last long before I'm back on a sick-leave.
How serious is PCS?
Well, to quote the Concussion Legacy Foundation:
"Post-Concussion Syndrome can be extremely disruptive to a patient’s life. In addition to having to constantly manage concussion symptoms, which can intensify with normal activity, long-term PCS patients often have to restructure their lives to avoid activities and situations that cause symptoms to worsen. For children, this can mean extended absences from school and removal from sports and extra-curricular activities. In severe cases, it may be necessary for a child to repeat a grade. In adults, PCS can seriously impact a patients’ personal and professional life, interfere with family life, as well as the ability to focus, communicate, and be effective at work."
I can confirm that. I've had to restructure my life somewhat significantly after I got PCS, and the fact that this is invisible to everyone else and therefore something other people seem to find hard to accept even exists in my life and is a real problem, - I've learned to keep my mouth shut about it and I just try to live my life as close to normal as possible. The fact that many doctors know so extremely little about it, too, doesn't make it easier. It's hard to convince others to believe in something they can't see. That's why I've sometimes considered buying a pair of crutches or putting a bandage around my head, - like so many other PCS patients. I quote: "PCS is an invisible injury, and many patients often wish they had a more visible injury requiring crutches or a cast so that they would receive more respect" (quoted from the Concussion Legacy Foundation's website).
No specific treatment, but there are options
There's no medical cure for PCS, as you can see if you read more about it (here), and no particular physical treatment. But there are some options, depending on what your exact symptoms are, and there are things you can do to try and keep it from getting worse. I've tried to follow the advise I got from the doctor who diagnosed me. Basically, I've had to try to avoid stress (which has been extremely difficult, since I've had to work, and life has presented a lot of challenges along the way...). One of the symptoms of PCS is fatigue, so there's been a lot of things I always enjoyed doing before, that I just stopped doing for many years because I felt completely exhausted. Dizziness and migraine with "aura" (sight-disturbances) also made me sort of afraid of even going for a walk alone, - something I used to enjoy earlier.
Less physical activity, combined with a lot of stress, resulted in me putting on almost 20 kilos of weight. For a person who's been lean and strong and never heavier than 60 kilos all my life up until that point, putting on that much weight and losing my slim figure was really depressing. I felt less attractive, and the fact that I felt constantly tired and didn't have the energy to do things together with my kids the way I used to, also made me feel like a "bad Mom". The effect PCS had on my relationship with my husband, is also part of the picture. I didn't have the energy I used to have before, neither to be physical intimate nor to go hiking in the mountains with him and that was bad enough, but I even struggled with doing household chores like cleaning floors, because I got so exhausted, so my husband had to do more of these things now. But the most frustrating thing was the feeling of not being taken seriously with my illness and the actual challenges I had because of it. As time went by, I felt that both my husband and other people didn't quite believe that PCS was real, and that I was just making excuses to avoid working or doing things I didn't want to do. It made me really sad and frustrated.
I had to change my life
It came to a point where I just couldn't live like that anymore. I wanted my life back! And I understood more and more that I had to stop putting everybody else first and start living more in alignment with who I am and what I need. I had to start looking after me for a change.
So after years of struggling my lonely battle with PCS, - after being on sick-leave long-term, then going through a rehabilitation period where I managed to get some financial support to educate myself as an interior decorator, then going through a work-practice period, then starting my own creative business which I kept going for 2 years while at the same time working as a substitute teacher.... (!) (you may breathe now!) - yes, I did all of this despite the fact that I knew that I had PCS and really shouldn't be having all that stress in my life. But I was the only one who really understood that, and I felt that nobody believed me. So I kept quiet and kept going. But after some years, I realized that I had to make some big changes in my life. I just couldn't keep going the way I did. I was exhausted, physically and mentally. My marriage wasn't working well. I felt that - apart from the constant love and support from my wonderful kids - I was completely alone with my struggles, and had no support. So what should I do?
To cut a long story short: After some time where I really tried to make the best out of the situation and I made a serious effort to think positive thoughts and try to make everything work (my health, my work situation, my marriage...), I realized I couldn't keep it up. So I made some tough decisions and sort of started my life from scratch again. Without going into any details right here, let me just say that I did what was necessary for me at that point, and part of that was divorcing my husband and moving to a new town.
I struggled for quite a few years financially, with only part-time jobs or vacancies available and also a long period of unemployment, - but I found ways to cope and never gave up on my dreams of a better life for myself. I worked for several years as a coach for unemployed people, and then, 4 years ago, I got a job as a social worker for refugees, which was a permanent job.
I was happy to get that job after quite a few years of only part-time jobs available, because I needed it to get a more balanced economy after the divorce, - but I've always known that being someone's employee was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted to be my own boss, and I did everything in my power to make that happen. Why? Because I was struggling with my health, and I knew that having to rely on an employer or maybe even social security to keep my head above water, was not something I could live with much longer. It would only make my PCS worse. I just had to find a better way to support myself.
I'm still struggling with my health, so I really need to make this online business work. It's early days yet, but I believe I'll be fine. I trust in myself and in God (or the Universe)
How can you help someone with PCS?
Again, I'd like to share a quote from the Concussion Legacy Foundation's website:
"Family and friends of a patient suffering from PCS can help by recognizing that PCS is a serious condition, and being understanding and supportive if the patient needs to socialize differently. A person with PCS may no longer be able to handle the noise or crowds of a party, but they still need to spend social time with friends, so offer a movie night or just pay them a visit and talk. Other situations may bring on more severe symptoms, so expect someone with PCS to sometimes remove themselves from a loud, bright, crowded, or otherwise over-stimulating situation. Instead of questioning if their headache is really that bad, a supportive friend will offer encouragement and remind their friend that they’ll be ready to continue their activity when they’re feeling better."
I realize that I probably should've informed work-colleagues and friends earlier about my invisible injury and the challenges I have on a regular basis because of it. But bad experiences when doing so in the past, has kept me from it. I'm tired of being mistrusted, misunderstood and not taken seriously when I talk about what I'm struggling with, like insomnia, fatigue, noise- and light-sensitivity, - among many other things. And I don't really want to focus on it, either. I want to focus on getting my life back to normal and being well. No one wants to listen to someone who always talks about illness and problems, and I don't, either. So I don't want to be that person, and I try to avoid it. But when people notice that I withdraw from social gatherings, at work or in private, they might think that I don't want to spend time with them, so I guess some explanations are in order.
Well, at least I've come out of the closet with this blog post, and I want to contribute to more awareness around this topic, but not in a "problem-focused" way. I'm writing this from a positive perspective, to (hopefully) help others who might suffer from PCS without knowing that that's what it is, and to help them and their immediate circle of people understand better what's going on and maybe find ways to improve their life.
I've decided to reach out a hand to other women who suffer from PCS and who are forced to leave their regular job because their illness makes it too hard to cope with it. I want to support women with PCS who try to find ways to work from home or start an online business in order to be able to support themselves, and who don't get any financial support elsewhere because nobody believes in their illness. Because I know what that's like. That's why I've created The Female Abundance Fund where you can donate money for this purpose, and where female PCS entrepreneurs eventually can apply for fundings. 10 % of all the products I sell through my online store will also go into this fund.
Since the fund has just been started, it will take some time before I can open it up for applications, but if you donate $1 (or more) and spread the word about The Female Abundance Fund to others, this might happen sooner than we think! So follow this link or go to my Store right now and give your donation! Thank you so much!
If you suffer from PCS, or suspect that you might do, you're more than welcome to contact me. Leave a comment below or send me a message through my "Contact Me" form, and I'll answer back A.S.A.P. And if you know of someone else who might want to read this blog-post, please share. Thank you for your time!
Honestly: I don't watch much TV. Because I like to watch a programme or a film or a documentary from start till finish without a 5 minutes' commercial break every 10 minutes. But despite this, I've lately become a fan of a few TV-shows that give me enormous joy, and I could watch them for hours if possible, because they're such a great inspiration to me. And I've been asking myself: What is it about these shows that inspire me to a degree that I don't mind spending hours watching them?
From wreck to beauty
The answer is simple: They're all about creating beauty out of a seemingly hopeless "canvas", or from what might be called a "wreck". Whether it's a house that looks like it's ready for condemnation, or a garden that looks like nothing can grow there, or a person who's hiding behind an armor of make-up, false eyelashes, extreme outfits and sometimes even - quite literally - a mask, simply because he or she has lost their self-confidence ...
To watch how they're all lovingly taken care of by these very competent people, - interior designers, architects, contractors, realtors, beauticians, fashion designers, hairdressers, stylists, landscape architects, gardeners ... people who see these various (officially- or self-claimed) "wrecks" for what they really are: Buildings, gardens and people with great potential. They see the natural beauty hidden underneath the seemingly unappealing or unattractive surface, and then lovingly, little by little, make sure the natural features are emphasized in such a way that the owners also learn to appreciate them and don't want to hide them anymore. To watch buildings, properties and people rise as the bird Phoenix from the ashes and - after careful restoration - stand before us in all their new-found confidence and glory ... That's so wonderfully inspiring!
Transformation from within
I believe that TV-shows like the "Fixer Uppers" with Chip and Joanna Gaines and "Property Brothers" with Drew and Jonathan Scott, are really important. Because it's not just about fancy interiors and cosmetic changes. On one hand, Chip and Joanna Gaines, Drew and Jonathan Scott (and other people who have similar TV-shows) are highly professional in their craftmanship and really know what they're doing, and they create truly amazing changes to houses that seem beyond salvation. But more importantly: They're actually transforming people's lives in a significant way.
And shows like "100 % Hotter", where people go through what they call a "make-under", because it's more about "dressing down" or toning down an extreme way of showing up in the world, and helping individuals appreciate and embrace their natural selves... It's the same with them. The team of stylists, beauticians and hairdressers help people find a new confidence and pride in who they are, and help them find a style that emphasizes their natural beauty and make them feel fabulous. How great is that!?
This is important work. This is transformational. If you've ever thought about these TV-shows as superficial and shallow and all about "looks", then think again. It's not about that at all. It's not only about designing a beautiful interior, or about making everyone look like a "super-model". It's about releasing tension, stress and chaos in people's lives. It's about giving them their life back. It's about giving them their self-confidence back. It's about joy, happiness and all good things.
The Female Life Designer
That's the kind of contribution I want to give to the world. It's becoming more and more clear to me. With my education as an interior designer, my skills in arts & crafts, my experience as an entrepreneur and as a coach, combined with my passion for all good things in life, I want to inspire, motivate and empower other women to create a beautiful life for themselves on all levels. To be confident in their own skin. To stand tall and walk with their heads held high. I want to inspire, motivate and empower you to be all that you can be.
Because this is important.
So I'm on a mission to serve you, and at the same time keep designing MY life the way I truly want it. That's why I call myself The Female Life Designer.
I hope you'll keep following me on this journey. I hope you'll join my tribe! Who knows where it might lead us?
If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to leave a comment below or send me a note through the "Contact Me" page, and also share this post with someone you know. And you're of course welcome to check out my Facebook page. See you soon!
Do you feel stuck in your past? Is it sort of "haunting" you and keeping you from doing the things you really want to do? Maybe you're not even aware of how much your past is affecting your decisions. You just feel that things are never going your way, or that you're constantly struggling with certain issues or situations that keep occurring in your life again and again, no matter what you do.
I don't know what your past looks like. Maybe you've experienced neglect or abuse. Maybe you've struggled with poor health or severe illness all your life. Maybe you've always been poor. Maybe you never did well in school and nobody ever believed that you could ever accomplish anything, and maybe they even said it to your face so you lost confidence in yourself and it became a belief deep within you.
Or maybe you did have everything going for you: A good upbringing and a happy childhood with lots of opportunities. Maybe you did well in school and got a good education. Maybe you found a great job and has had a certain amount of success in your life.
And still, you're not happy. You feel that there must be something more, but you feel stuck with what you have and can't really put your finger on what's wrong, either. And you feel bad because you can't make yourself love the way things are, even though everything's "perfect" and other people kind of envy you and think that you've really made a good life for yourself. Complaining isn't your thing, and it wouldn't be proper, because hey, you have a good life, don't you...? Don't you!? So what more do you want!?
Either way, - a past full of struggle or a past full of opportunities: You feel stuck. You feel that your past is the foundation that determines how the rest of your life will look like. Your path has been laid. Your past experiences and conditions have made you into who you are, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's just the way things are. This is what life has given you, and you just have to deal with it and do the best that you can with it.
Well, I'm telling you that's not how it has to be.
You're not your past
Whether you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth or not: You're not your past. Because what you experienced in your past was a result of the programming you were exposed to by your peers: your parents and extended family, your teachers, your religious leaders, the society you were brought up in. They've all programmed you with their own beliefs about life and how things should be, and eventually these beliefs became your own. You've learned rules to follow, you've been told that you should act in this or that way to make sure you fit in with the rest of your community and not upset or provoke anyone by being different. And maybe you've been told that you should be grateful for what you have (no matter how little or how much that is) and not strive for more, because it wouldn't be appropriate. Or maybe they've even told you that you're not worthy of more. Who are you to think that you deserve anything more?
You are worthy and you can have it all
But guess what: You ARE worthy of more! In fact, you're worthy of all good things! And the best of all is that you can have it! You can have it all! It's totally achievable!
I don't know if you believe in God or the Universe or a source energy that's in all of us, - or whatever it is that you believe. And it doesn't really matter. What I want you to know is that whatever you believe, whether you're religious or spiritual or an agnostic: YOU have the power to create your life the way you want it. You and only you.
How is that?
Your mind is like a cannon acting like a boomerang
What you experience in your life is a direct result of what you think about day in and day out. Your thoughts become your reality. You get what you focus on, whether it's positive or negative. Your mind is like a cannon, loaded with thoughts, only it works like a boomerang and sends back to you whatever it is you're projecting out into the universe. So if you want only good things to come to you, you must stop sending out all those negative thoughts and start projecting only positive, happy and prosperous thoughts instead.
I'm telling you: If you really understood the effect your thoughts have on your reality, you'd never want to think a negative thought again!
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."
I'm sure you've heard this quote from Henry Ford. And it really is as simple as that. If you keep thinking that you're not good enough or wise enough or not worthy ... or that you're not good with money or that you're not educated enough to get a better paid job, or that your health is preventing you from living the life you want, or that other circumstances like your family, your kids or society - or whatever it is that you're thinking - are preventing you from fulfilling your dreams ... then that's how it will continue to be. For sure.
Because you simply can't think a negative thought and expect a positive result.
Makes sense, doesn't it?
If you think something's holding you back or keeping you from doing what you want ... well, I'm telling you: It's all in your mind. It's not real.
You can choose what to think
So my advise to you today is this: Start thinking positive thoughts from this moment forward.
And when you do, I promise you that you'll soon start noticing a positive effect in your life. And you're in total control here! Because you can choose to think positive thoughts, no matter what life throws at you. Nobody else can decide what you should think. Only if you let them. And whatever your past has been: It doesn't have to be your tomorrow. It doesn't have to be your TODAY. And today is really all we've got. So make the decision today that you'll start thinking positive thoughts and only focus on what you DO want, and not on what you don't want. I promise you: Your future self will thank you for it!
If you want to hear more about this topic, I suggest you watch the episode I broadcasted on my YouTube channel a while back. You can watch it below.
If you liked this blog post and / or the video, please feel free to leave a comment below or follow my blog.